I want you as you are, not as you ought to be
Won't you lay down your guard and come to me
The shame that grips you now is crippling
It breaks my heart to see you suffering
Cause I am for you
I'm not against you
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I'd say you are forgiven
It's more than the drops in the ocean
Don't think you need to settle for a substitute
When I'm the only love that changes you
_________________________________________________________________________
So I have been struggling with my faith and my relationship with God for a while now. I have always believed in him and knew he was there but ever since I lost my job April 21st, 2015. I was let go from my 2nd full time job. I went from 3 jobs to 0 jobs in a few short weeks and it broke me, absolutely broke me. I have always been working since I was 14 years old and to just have 3 jobs where I was constantly doing work I was feeling really low. I was let go on a Tuesday so I had the whole week to feel the loss of not having a job. For 6 months I was without work. I collected unemployment so I was able to still pay my rent and buy groceries for my boyfriend, cats and myself. I suffered from depression for years and losing my job was def a trigger for many, many, many, episodes. My mom went away with the Coast Guard for Active Duty in June a month before my birthday, and my boyfriend and dad did everything they could to help me. Even my few friends I had were trying to keep me level headed and happy. I was hurt, I felt worthless and I was really feeling like God was bullying me.
I have always been a "Christian" girl. I accepted Christ into my life when I was 11 years old and I always went to christian camp. Every time I returned back from camp I was "on fire" for God. I would be so ready to share the word of God with my school (which was public) and I got made fun of..A LOT! I started to just give up, I threw away my faith because I was so tired of feeling like I wasn't good enough. I have always been different and I hated feeling it, being different meant leading a whole different life walking to your own beat.
Losing my job was the best thing ever. I traveled more that I have in the past 3 years, I spent 3 weeks total with my mom in West Virginia and got to see a whole new part of the country. I also ate in West Virginia, ate ice-cream in Maryland and had adventures in Virginia. I walked up a mountain in Harper's Ferry called Maryland Heights and saw Washington D.C. with my boyfriend. I was able to eat from farm to table and I was rebooted my metabolism and take my health into my own hands. I needed those 3 weeks to figured myself out, to be able to be trained and more serious with this health program I'm doing. I just need to start working out. All I need to do is be more active. My mom bought me DVD's to do 30 minute work outs and weights. I just need to get a Yoga mat and start taking yoga classes as well to replenish my spirit, mind and reboot every night. I can do this. I can continue to lose weight and be okay.
I got a Job now! I went for an interview on Friday to a small Collections company for Medical Billing. I am so excited. Here's to you God.
Losing my job was the best thing ever. I traveled more that I have in the past 3 years, I spent 3 weeks total with my mom in West Virginia and got to see a whole new part of the country. I also ate in West Virginia, ate ice-cream in Maryland and had adventures in Virginia. I walked up a mountain in Harper's Ferry called Maryland Heights and saw Washington D.C. with my boyfriend. I was able to eat from farm to table and I was rebooted my metabolism and take my health into my own hands. I needed those 3 weeks to figured myself out, to be able to be trained and more serious with this health program I'm doing. I just need to start working out. All I need to do is be more active. My mom bought me DVD's to do 30 minute work outs and weights. I just need to get a Yoga mat and start taking yoga classes as well to replenish my spirit, mind and reboot every night. I can do this. I can continue to lose weight and be okay.
I got a Job now! I went for an interview on Friday to a small Collections company for Medical Billing. I am so excited. Here's to you God.
