Skate, Pass, Skate, SHOOT!

As of right now, Monday November 30th at 10:36 p.m. I am watching my boyfriends Hockey Game.  I am freezing, my hands are numb and I'm starving. I was just a crying mess before and I had to stop all that and muster up before walking in.  

That's the thing. 

I am not giving myself enough time to really cry. 

 I cry for maybe 6 minutes and then I make myself stop.

I shouldn't be holding back emotions or making myself stop trying to cope with healthy emotions.   mean really...how am I supposed to get better mentally if I shut down my emotions the first time I start to sense them. 

It's honestly almost as if I'm scared to cry.

I don't have the coping skills yet. I let my depression get the best of me. 

Past all the shivering and frozen hands i am almost jealous of Jesse being able to play.  

I used to figure skate (shocking, i know) and being on the ice made me feel so free, still makes me feel so free.  I don't know exactly what it is.  When I'm on the ice I feel that the possibilities are limitless. 

When no one was around last year while I was working at the ice-rink my best friend and I would just skate, and skate and skate.  We'd practice stopping and race each other.  

We'd also watch the boys play hockey.

I love being on the ice and anything to do with it.

Granted I am not as knowledgeable as J is with Hockey and I would not ever say I was.  

I lost interest really when I was with Ryan.
He made me forget the things that made me happy and that made me feel myself.

I have two pairs of skates, 1 hockey and 1 figure skates. 

My figure skate aren't really anything special as I once had. 

They are built for comfort and to not really do tricks on.

I feel like once I lose the rest of my weight and train hard I will go back to figure skating.

Skating in general burns a lot of calories. 

At first I didn't want to come. 

I literally was set on staying home. There's laundry that needed to be done and then I could have made dinner.  The game is supposed to be over at 11:30 but by the time we get home it may be 1.  I am not trying to be tired at work tomorrow.  I feel less productive.

I also still have to shower. 

All these are my excuses for not coming to his game. 

He dragged me. He made me come. 

Am I glad now?

It's an interesting game.
They were up by one but when that happens they seem to lose sight and forget that it's not over yet.

They also haven't been playing together as long and they probably don't practice.

 Score is now 4-3 still down by one but it's still early in the game. 

I guess maybe I should test my writing skills right.
Try to give a little description of what the players may be thinking?

Yeah, probably not.

Maybe when I'm on the ice myself I'll be able to figure it out. 

For now I'll watch by the side and root for the team.

Happy or not.