Free Yourself

Cut loose ends.
Break away from one sided friendships.
Cleanse yourself from the negative energy you once carried.

Life is way to beautiful and precious to have negativity.  Why be sad?  Why hate life?  Why hate people?  I can see how you'd want to, I mean i fight a battle with waking up every morning and I deal with stupid people at both my jobs (Not my co-workers, the people who call in or come to skate).  It's seems impossible to stay happy all day doesn't it?  It's not impossible.

As of recently I started saying "Good Morning God" every day on my way to work.  I drive 25-30 minutes to work every day and at some point I tell him thanks.  Now, I am NOT the most religious person, I haven't been since 2014ish....I don't go to church on Sunday's and I don't read the bible.  I do know scriptures, and I do believe it's a relationship and not Religion.  I can see how many people can argue how God doesn't exist, but I will always believe in God.  I will always thank him for letting me see another day for letting me make it another year.  I made it to 25 years old, almost 26, not many people from my high school and even graduating class won't see it to 26.  I won't be seeing a few of my classmates at our 10 year high school reunion.  It's something that it a reality.  Not something to be scared of or afraid of.  Death happens, it's a part of life.  I just pray and hope my time won't be for years down the road, like 102,,,maybe 103. That'd be cool, live to be 103 years old.

When you surround yourself with negative people, I feel like your life loses some light.  Like working overnights actually takes years off your lifespan, I feel like negative energy and surrounding yourself with negative people takes years off your life span.  Call me crazy, but I spent 3 years of my life with someone who was so toxic, I was convinced I was going to die.  During those 3 years, I lost so much weight unhealthily, I would walk into work with bruises and hand marks on my wrists and arms, and I would constantly have things thrown at me or be thrown to the ground. I was killing myself being with him.  Ever since I experienced that, I don't ever want to go back to feeling those feelings.  Why should anyone?

You are worth having a great life. You are worth having someone fall in love with you and you are worth finding your calling in life.  You are meant to do something wonderful, so go do it!

UGH!

"Leave me alone"....
Why do some people think that this sentence is ONLY used in a negative context?? 
It's like, people get offended when they hear "Leave me alone, please" or "could you please, leave me alone".  They take it to heart, they take is as if you don't want them around you.  That in a way you are better than them and honestly you aren't.  

Now, I am not saying that's how you as an individual thinks, it was more of a generalization of the responses one usually gets. (I say from experience).  

For instance, today I get home from work and my boyfriend is out bowling with his friend.  Today I asked him if he could take a while coming home cause I'd like to eat dinner alone.  He questioned it.  Then, I get home from work, I start to unwind a little, but the small pile of clothes I asked him to put into the laundry room at some point before I came home was still exactly where I left it this morning.  I am a little aggravated. I won't try to say I'm not.  So I mention it to him and then he kind of starts to go "tit for tat".  That's annoying.  We started to "bicker" as he would say but then I just went to doing my own thing.  I am not always in a mood to be touched the minute I come home from work, or the minute I see my boyfriend or even my friends.  I believe that if you are carrying a negative energy, when you touch someone or have any type of physical contact with them the energy can carry over to them.  Ergo, if I have a negative energy why would i want to pass that along to someone else?  But my boyfriend doesn't see it that way.  He see's it as me being rude or him doing something wrong and it's not always that. well, it's not that at all. I just didn't want to be touched at the moment he wanted to hug me.  I had a very bad drive home.  I live about 25-30 minutes away from my job and sometimes there are idiots driving to Nassau the same time I am and tonight was one of those nights.  There was a van who kept driving quick when i was not in the same lane, but the minutes I got behind him he'd slow down, then another mini van just decided to cut in front of me using no blinker.  I swear, it's like people forget how to drive a fucking car.  The forget the rules of the road and that their stupidity can cost someone their life.  I mean really, i really don't get people.  So by the time I got home, I was still just so frustrated with the drive I just wanted to unwind my own way.  Unfortunately my boyfriend came home shortly after I did and of course wanted a hug.  I just wasn't having it.  

It's selfish, I know but at the same time it's boundaries I set for myself.  He's a good man, he's just lazy. In a way it kind of worries me.  He's had his good days where he's cleaned the bathroom for me and vacuumed but majority of the time I need to ask him a couple times, or just do it myself.  It's not like an automatic thing.  It kind of worries me in a way...for the future.  I don't want to be that wife/mom that comes home from work, helps the kids with homework, cleans the house a bit, does laundry and doesn't get to sit down until 10 p.m. at night.  I understand he has days off, but instead of playing 4 video games in a row, he could do a load of laundry in between those games.  Things don't really get done, and then i get stressed out cause I'd love to have a day off and just tackle everything i need to, but that doesn't happen cause theres so much to do, and I work on the weekends.  

I sound like I am so ungrateful, but I'm just venting.  I finally don't have writers block.

Back to the original meaning of this post...I said "Leave me alone please, I don't want a hug right now" to Jesse and he was very upset.  It's like he doesn't get that I handle things differently than him.  I don't do drugs, I can't, I'm deathly allergic (THE IRONY) so i can't just pop a pill and change my mood.  I have to deal with things the old fashion way, the making sense of the day way.  Once i do that, I'll give and take as many hugs as people want but, he probably won't be in the mood OR he'll want to talk to me about it.  He always does.  Cant' break the rule.  

I love him for that. He does always try. ALWAYS TRIES, so I appreciate that.  Very much. I love him very much as well. 

But, I just don't think 'leave me alone' is negative.  It could be said as a negative, yes but any words can!  They are words that are used as expression ones emotions or feelings.  I felt like being left alone, so I asked that.  Don't take things the wrong way. 

End pointless rant, but I feel so much better cause it's my blog and I'll write and post whatever I want.  Until I get ideas of really using this for something, it'll be filled with random posts.  

I miss the early 2000's, Myspace was the shit and my TUMBLR was cool.