This photograph reminds me of the one I took when I was visiting Seaside Heights, New Jersey. No, I was not there to try and catch a look at the "Jersey Shore Squad", I was there visiting with my family, ya know? Getting away from the hellish world of Long Island.
It's one of my favorite photographs. I feel as if I could really relate to the unique picture I captured during that autumn day back in 2011. I finally got my Canon Rebel T1i, it was a Christmas gift from my parents for my photography class I was taking in college. I was going through some rough patches in my life and I wasn't sure who I was. I was trying to figure out why I couldn't be loved, why I was always chosen over someone else, why I was so afraid for bringing my boyfriends around my friends cause they would leave me to try and be with them OR my favorite, when my biggest crush met my childhood best friend and he instantly dropped me for her, HA! That was my favorite. Feeling rejected. Something I was used to feeling all my life, I mean hell my "biological" father didn't want me so why should I figure any man would? Sick mental thought.
That camera helped me see things from a different perspective.
I stopped seeing things as unfair and started seeing a story-line and even more so, what events lead up to the result of this picture? I always had an adventurous spirit so my mom would try to keep me sheltered as much as possible (which didn't work anyway because I was/still am a very smart person). I always knew there was always more, and ever since I was a child I was always fascinated with art and poetry. I love museums and paintings and history. I see photographs as a gateway into the past. An event frozen in time.
What I say next please don't take wrong: J and I went to the Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C during his Birthday weekend celebration. There were pictures there of men, woman and children that didn't make it out alive. I remember seeing 3 portraits of men and a little "bio" about them underneath. While J was doing his own thing, I couldn't help but stare into the eyes of one of the men. He looked sad, but relieved. He looked tired, beat, and broken. His eyes sagged at the corners where smile lines once took place. You could see where the smile wrinkles used to be and how he went from a boy to a man in such a small amount of time. He was once a happy man and you were able to see that. It broke my heart but made the Holocaust that much more of a reality. *side note: Genocide is all over the place and yet we still turn our backs.
Photography is beautiful and it unlocked a part of my soul. When I saw those birds flying, I felt free watching them. As if my feet were off the ground and I was soaring with them. Dancing in the wind over the crisp ocean. Letting the wind guide your direction in which you are headed. Being able to use a force powerful as such to maneuver in. I felt untouchable.
I felt incredible.
I am going to try and find the picture, but my mind just went blank of everything I was thinking before. It's that time I suppose. I have work at 8 a.m. and I am not even in bed, welcome to adulthood?
Goodnight 127 viewers. I will start blogging more, i suppose. I should right? hm...
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